Writing Portfolio Sample

Description:  In writing we chose a goal that we thought we needed to work on. I chose Ideas because I need to work on planning templates my work so I have ideas all the time.

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Big Idea: We used the mountain planning to plan out our story so we had ideas right the way through & we added some clues to the problem. We described what our characters were feeling, what they could see, hear e.g. We brainstormed precise nouns, descriptive adjectives to describe what was happening in the story.

"Nooooo" screeched Bob the Bird. Bob was Bill (the king of birds) best friend. Bob has just got the news that Bill got chomped by the cats from the budgie-news. Tears were flowing like a waterfall from bob's eyes. All night and day bob lay in his bead with pain. Then he decided to take Bill's place and train his budgie's to become warriors (fit & strong.)

Ha, Pow, Ping. Bob his making his troops train until they flop. Drip, drop, drip, drop, sweat everywhere. "Gimme 20 Sam or your running laps. While Sam was doing his strenuous press-ups he stared over at the sea where the waves were flowing like the wind. You could see the bright steamy sun's reflection amongst all the light blue waves. The budgies live in a secret town far away from cat land. They call there land Paradise City. Sam was in the centre of the city which is called the Brick Hall where they have all there special events. Once Sam was done he jogged over to the water fountain and gulped down loads of water of refreshing water. While he gulped down the refreshing water he remembered that tomorrow was "REVENGE". 

The next day at night Sam went into cat land to start the revenge, he sharpened the end of a stick and threw it at the power line. He threw the stick like a dart. "Rarrrr" screeched thousands of cats. In a flash the power went out. It turned dark, spooky & scary. "ATTACK" Screamed Sam. All the cats got frightened & the budgies attacked throughout the night. 5 nights ago on the dark, spooky Monday bob set up a scary basement full of bird cages. "Rarrrr" screeched the cats. The budgies started there attack with anger, chasing cats into cages.

At 5:00 in the morning all the fierce birds had trapped every last cat. All there hard work paid off. NO MORE CATS" the birds screamed. "YAY"

The next day they had a ceremony in the brick hall. They were announcing the new king. "Drum Roll Please" Boom, Boom, Boom. And the new king Is. "Me me me me" Bob said to himself. "BOB" "YAY" screamed bob "BY" "WOOHOO" screeched Bobby. "OHH" Droned Bob. And Bobby got crowned king that very day

Feedback/Feedforward: You have done a good job on hading descriptive words but you could of shortened the story by not using words you need to. #Thomas

Evaluation: I think I did well at describing the setting and how the character felt, but next time I think I could work on sticking to the main points.